Finally

Okay. I finally did it.

After MANY years of depression, I have finally made it to see a psychologist. He says that he got the big picture and wants to see me again. I must tell you that this was one of the hardest decisions that I have ever made.

I felt fine going there. Almost cancelled, actually. I parked my car and found my way around the unfamiliar office space rather quickly. I met the receptionist and started filling out the initial paperwork while she cleared me with my insurance. Then it started.

Feelings of worthlessness. Tears. I should be stronger than this. I should be normal. I shouldn't need this. The inevitable bits of Kleenex all around my eyes. I don't want to be here.

He suggested that I feel responsible for how others are feeling. He asked me who put that responsibility on my shoulders. Well, I guess I did.

I told him about W****, S**** and Pastor M*** and how disappointed I was in them (after three years!). I told him about S******** and what happened to her and how I was treated afterwards for trying to stick up for her (this was way back in high school!). Where is the justice? Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord.

I know I need this but I'm not really looking forward to it.